parental lov

Parental Love – Tales of Love and Struggle

The love of parents towards their children is always unconditional and transcends all boundaries. And a parent's love for their child; no matter a test score, a life changing decision, an argument, or a strong belief, the amount of love that remains between this bond is seen as unchanging. Before we explore into the depths of this concept, I would like to put before you two stories. They are tales of both, love and hardships.

The Bright Side

In the month of June, we rescued three boys who were used by their parents to sell few small scale handicrafts and bangles in the capital city. Hailing from Mumbai, the family had no idea that Trivandrum is a 100% child labour & beggary free district.

For the past one and a half months, the children have been under our care and protection. But it has definitely not been easy for their parents. The latter have been knocking every door and running from pillar to post requesting the release of their children.  Even after our assurance that the children would be produced before CWC and transferred to their hometown; both the father and mother were relentless in asking for their children. According to them, without the boys, they had absolutely no reason to live.

We even received a phone call from a representative of a prominent nationalist political party in Mumbai enquiring about the details of the children and asking for their swift restoration. Last week, the formal procedures for the transfer were complete. All three of them, are now reunited safe and sound with their parents. 

The Dark Side

Two days back, CHILDLINE got a call from a desperate mother pleading help for her child Bobby (given name). We visited the home, conducted a home study and asked both the child and her mother to come down to our office the very day.  As per the mother’s statement, Bobby (9^th Std) has developed a chronic severe addiction to both smoking and substance abuse. He’s irregular at school and loves to hang around all day with his friends. She’s a single mother as her husband abandoned the family, when the boy was five. Working at a pharmacy, she earns enough to take care of the family. The child’s addiction and related mood swings have been the center point of several disputes between the mother and child. Fed up with the arguments, she called up CHILDLINE informing the issue.

Upon further probing, we came to a sad conclusion. The mother did love her child, but was not ready to take up the responsibility. The boy has been deprived of his mother’s love and affection from a tender age. This has scarred the boy’s mind quite deeply. This also led to some mental health issues as well. And there began Bobby’s gradual fall into drugs. Being a single mother definitely has its fair share of fights and struggles to be won.

But the mother insisted us to take in the boy, provide him scholarship and get him away from drugs. But when we suggested an option of letting him stay home and go on with the process, she was hell bent against it. The mother believed that the boy was too hard to handle. She definitely loved and cared for her child, but the pressure was a bit too much.

Children in single-parent families

The effects of a single-parent home on a child’s behaviour can be far-reaching and impact several areas of life, including academic achievement and social behaviours.

·         Emotional effects of growing up in a single parent household may include feelings of abandonment, sadness, loneliness and difficulty socializing and connecting with others. 

·         Most single-parent households are run by mothers, and the absence of a father -- coupled with lower household income -- can increase the risk of children performing poorly in school. 

·         It is often difficult to contains growing male children especially y for a single mother.

Although Single parenting can have positive effects on children as well, but depends purely on other factors such as personality types and parenting techniques.

1000 days to get it right for every child

The early years are critical for optimal child development and the realisation of the child’s full potential as a loving, socially engaged, well-educated and trained adult, contributing to national social and economic life at their full potential.

Children in their first years of life are the most vulnerable to the long term damaging consequences of deprivation from love, affection and proper nutrition. Deprivation impacts upon child development through the inability to access needed goods and services (including healthcare); through disruption and stress of family life; and through social alienation.

Significance of Breastfeeding in bonding between mother and baby: - Breastfeeding promotes bonding between mother and baby. It stimulates the release of the hormone oxytocin in the mother's body. "It is now well established that oxytocin, as well which help in uterine contractions and milk ejection, promotes the development of maternal behaviour and also bonding between mother and offspring.

Recommendations

We believe that a positive, social and economically sustainable future for our country is only possible if:-

·         Children are placed at the centre of government policy and planning Child poverty is eradicated

·         Child maltreatment is reduced

·         Every child is given a good start in their early years

·         The status of children as well as the child-rearing roles of families, educational institutions, care homes, etc are increased.

Access to affordable early childhood education is a critical form of public investment leading to positive returns from good child outcomes. For vulnerable children this will be more effective when combined with support and education that enables parents to be involved and also up skill themselves.

According to Robert Firestone Ph.D. (The Human Experience) Parental love includes genuine expressions of warmth—a smile or friendly look that conveys empathy and good humour; physical affection; respectful, considerate treatment; tenderness; a willingness to be a real person with the child as opposed to acting the role of “mother” or “father"; and a sensitive attunement and responsiveness to the child.

To conclude, children whose parents have, for the most part, resolved their issues of trauma and loss from the past have a better chance. Regaining the feeling for themselves seemed to be the key element that enabled them to enjoy closer, more sensitively attuned interactions with their children and altered their child-rearing practices in a more loving, positive direction. Parenting is about being the best mother or father; one can be to his/her kids. Sometimes it's simple. Other times, it might not be what we anticipated or imagined. But not willing to take that risk is never an excuse.

     

dbtech

DB TECH - Skilling India is the Way Forward

Education was once limited to reading and memorising certain books and then giving exams. These tests the memorising power rather than skills. But now, it is slowly and gradually acquiring a new meaning. The responsibility of overall development of a naive kid to a responsible citizen lies in the education system. For the creamy layer, education may be for a social status while for the middle class it is a way to acquire a job and sustain a living. Hence, vocational training is important in our education system.

Although the field of education has made progress in the past ten years, this less regulated area of the education sector – vocational training— seems to have lost its importance. This has led to the widening gap between the supply and demand for skilled manpower across various industries. This shortage of skills has translated directly into unemployment among an increasing number of graduates who pass out every year and are forced to be re-trained in order to become marketable.

Vocational training is used to prepare for a certain trade or craft. Decades ago, it used to refer solely to fields such as welding and automotive service, but today it can range from hand trades to retail to tourism management. Vocational training is education only in the type of trade a person wants to pursue, forgoing traditional academics.

Don Bosco Tech – Skilling India Foundation

Don Bosco Tech is the network of over 300 Don Bosco skill training centres which provides employment-linked and market-driven short duration vocational courses to the economically and socially marginalized youth across India.

Set up in 2008 by the Salesians of Don Bosco, DB Tech addresses the issues of unemployment, unemployability and lack of skilled manpower with a market-based approach that is sensitive to the socio-economic needs of marginalized youth in the age group 18-35 years.

With funding from the Ministry of Rural Development, Government of India, under the Swarnajayanthi Gram Swarozgar Yojana (SGSY), DB Tech aims at empowering youth from below poverty line through the Bosco Academy for Skills and Employment (BASE) project. Under this project, over   46000 underprivileged youth from 24 states have been trained in market-driven course and placed in entry level opportunities in various sectors.

The Swarnajayanthi Gram Swarozgar Yojana (SGSY) of the Ministry of Rural Development, Govt of India, functions with the sole objective of providing employment linked, market-oriented training to youngsters from below poverty line sections of the country.

Don Bosco Veedu - Manacaud

On 22/02/2013, then Health and Family Welfare Minister, Shri V. S. Sivakumar inaugurated Don Bosco Veedu Skill Training Centre, the institute that offers free employment training and placement in Hospitality Management and Business Process Outsourcing to the unemployed youth, in collaboration with Accenture, one of leading global management consulting, technology services and outsourcing companies in the world.

The centre at Manacaud, managed by Don Bosco Society, offers three-month full time courses in Hospitality Management and Marketing, for 30 students in each batch, with placement offers from Taj Group of Hotels, Hilton Group and so on. The course is for students who have the minimum educational criteria of SSLC/10^th Std pass. The age limit for admission is 18 - 35.

It is an extension of Don Bosco Nivas, shelter home at Thampanoor where the children on the street are rehabilitated with CHILDLINE and Missing Child programmes in collaboration with the Social Justice  Department.

Hailing from a backward fisherman community of Anchuthengu (Kollam), Pallavi (given name) did not have many options. Either do a computer class after +2 or get married. But she was determined to fight for her freedom. She found out about the BPO course at DB Tech Manacaud from a church announcement as part of our mobilisation in association with Trivandrum Social Service Society.

Last year Pallavi joined our centre. She brought in a few of her friends as well and soon the centre became sort of a second home for them. They enjoyed each and every activity presented to them and participated wholeheartedly. They were very concerned regarding their academics too. 

After completion of the course Pallavi was placed with Green Thoughts, a reputed BPO firm located in Trivandrum. Pallavi and her friends visit the centre once in a while and still cherish their wonderful time with us. They feel blessed to find out such an institution that has shaped their lives to new heights. Pallavi is just one among our hundred success stories.

Vision 20-22

Trivandrum has many youth who have dropped out of school and do not have a career due to lack of education or at times proper certificates. Trivandrum Don Bosco Veedu Society in collaboration with DB Tech Society and private companies have been providing short term free skill training programmes and have placed many youth into good jobs.

In association with other socially responsible institutions and individuals, Don Bosco Veedu has supported many children and youth to attain good education. Scholarships are given to students showing good academic record, belonging to financially backward families. They are granted after proper identification of the children. Many children have received support in the past several years, both monetary help and educational materials supply. Individual progress of the sponsored children is tracked and many have secured good jobs and have become financially and socially independent.

 Vocational training is a pillar of our education system but it needs to be revived. It is a great alternative to study what the market demands. It promotes education and can give a break from high dropout rate of students after high school.

Don Bosco Tech with a team of 800+ employees is presently working in 29 states with a target to impart skill based training to 2 million youngsters by 2022.

NGO-GO

CHILDLINE -  A Successful model of NGO-GO partnership

Through the last 15 years of incessant work pioneered by Trivandrum Don Bosco Veedu Society, in collaboration with CHILDLINE India Foundation, Government of India  and other NGOs; CHILDLINE has transformed itself into a lifeline for children in Kerala with above 90% of reporting of child related issues to CHILDLINE. Effective interventions throughout the district of Trivandrum by the Society have created a child safety net across the district as can be seen in the overwhelming response and reporting of issues to CHILDLINE.  On March 25, 2000, Don Bosco became the collaborative agency to run the first CHILDLINE service in Kerala. With the advocacy efforts of the society and other likeminded NGOs, presently the network has spread across Kerala.

In 1989, CHILDLINE  founder Jeroo Billimoria worked closely with street children in Mumbai as a social worker. She gave the children her telephone number and told them to call if they needed any help, after which her phone did not stop ringing. That is when Jeroo realised that these children really needed someone to speak to, someone to assist them. The idea of a toll-free number emerged.  She set up CHILDLINE INDIA - India's first and only child helpline.

CHILDLINE's approach was to have volunteers who answered the phone and who would go directly to the child in need. The volunteers kept a log of the calls. This log would then become very important data for the creation of child protection policies, thus placing the helplines at the centre of child protection policy.

CHILDLINE India Foundation (CIF) is currently the nodal agency of the Union Ministry of Women and Child Development acting as the parent organisation for setting up, managing and monitoring the CHILDLINE 1098 service all over the country. CIF is the sole agency/body responsible for establishing the CHILDLINE service in the cities/districts of the country, monitoring of service delivery and finance, training, research and documentation, creating awareness, advocacy as well as resource generation for the service.

CHILDLINE 1098 service is a 24 hour free emergency phone outreach service for children in need of care and protection. CIF undertakes replication of CHILDLINE, networking and facilitation, training, research and documentation, and Communications and Strategic Initiatives both at the national and international level.

This can be stated as one of the most successful model of NGO- GO partnership programme across the states of India. The very fact that the programme is of the Government, there is support and help from Government Departments to the NGOs and there is sanction especially when any party to child related issue is called for. This provides added advantage to the service oriented NGOs. If the programme is directly run by the Government it could never be so successful like many other programmes due to the functional difficulties and the absence of service mentality and accountability which is often difficult to elicit from Government run mechanisms and employees.

The four C’s that are held as principles by the CHILDLINE India foundation to ensure the rights and protection of a child are:-

• CONNECT through technology to reach the 'last mile'.
• CATALYSE systems through active advocacy.
• COLLABORATE through integrated efforts between children, the state, civil society, corporate, and community to build a child friendly social order.
• COMMUNICATE to make child protection everybody's priority.

In 2015, CHILDLINE Trivandrum has received over 70000 calls and we have provide direct interventions to over 1200 children and these numbers speak for themselves. Over the past few years, there is greater reporting and we were able to reach almost every child in need of care and protection within the district. CHILDLINE is indeed a lifeline for children across Kerala.

child marriage

CHILD MARRIAGE - A Curse

There are many causes of child marriage in India and multiple barriers to its elimination. Poverty, weak enforcement of laws, patriarchal social norms intended to ensure family honour and illiteracy are significant factors that increase the risk of girl being married off while still a child.

The consequences of illiteracy are many and harmful in several respects. As well as affecting illiterate individuals themselves in their daily lives and often jeopardizing their future, this scourge has a significant effect on society, both socially and economically. The link between academic failure and delinquency, abuse, violence and crime is welded to reading failure. In short, illiteracy is the nursing mother of crime.

We received information about a 16 year old girl from Varkala regarding child marriage.  The information was given by her neighbour. 

As per the information, the CHILDLINE staff visited the child’s home and met her mother. Upon inquiry with her, it was revealed that the child had eloped and stayed with her paramour for a week. They had plans for arranging an engagement function for them. Since the girl’s family was going through a financial standstill, it was called off. This prompted the girl to run away.

The CHILDLINE staff visited the house of the paramour but the child was not present. We contacted the mother and asked her to bring the child to CHILDLINE. As per our demand the child and her family came down to the centre. They were accompanied by her lover and his family. 

Our team had a detailed counselling with the child and it was understood that the child was 17 years old. On further investigation we found that, the marriage was arranged by the mother herself. The step father of the child was an alcoholic and used to physically abuse the mother daily in an inebriated state. Both the mother and child were illiterate and had absolutely no knowledge on the norms and practices of the society. In another shocking turn of events, it was clear that the girl had dropped out of second grade due to the financial constraints of the family.

We gave awareness to both the families and sent them back to respective families. We intervened to educate the child. An Open House was planned at the slum in Varkala where the child lived to create awareness among the community on different aspects of Child rights, Child Issues and so on. In between the visits for pre-open house child shared that she wanted to continue her education.  We submitted a letter to the concerned Ward Councillor and Educational Standing Committee Chairperson. On 31^st May 2016, during the open house session, the further education of the child was guaranteed by the Kerala State Literacy Mission with the help of ward councillor.

The child is currently pursuing her studies with the help of the Literacy Mission.

Major Reasons for Child Marriage

According to UNICEF, here are some other major reasons for child marriage:

• Limited education opportunities, low quality of education, inadequate infrastructure, lack of transport and therefore concerns about girls’ safety while travelling to school significantly contribute to keeping girls out of school and therefore tend to favour child marriage.

• Although there is widespread awareness of the Prohibition of Child Marriage Act 2006 (PCMA) and the illegality of child marriage, individually people feel that the traditions and norms are stronger than the law and the institutions and rarely report cases. On top of this, there is limited capacity among officials and lack of willingness to go against community decisions, since officials are themselves part of the community.

• Girls are often seen as a liability with limited economic role. Women’s work is confined to the household and is not valued. In addition, there is the problem of dowry. Despite the fact that dowry has been prohibited for five decades (Dowry Prohibition Act, 1961), it is still common for parents of girls in India to give gifts to the groom and /or his family either in cash or kind.

The dowry amount increases with the age and the education level of the girl. Hence, the “incentive” of the system of dowry perpetuates child marriage. 

• Law enforcement to prohibit child marriage is relatively weak. Limited detailed knowledge on how to apply laws and little understanding of the consequences of the laws, as well as limited trust in institutions enforcing them, undermines the implementation of the PCMA.

• The families and girls who might benefit from social protection programmes are not always aware of them and these schemes are often limited to providing cash transfers without the accompanying messages to address the multi-dimensional nature of child marriage. The fallout of this is that cash transfers tend to perpetuate dowry, since parents use the grant for that purpose as soon as the girl turns 18 years old.

The practice of child marriage–matrimony before age 18–continues to disproportionately affect girls in certain cultures and communities with significant consequences to their education, health, and social life. Child brides have little say in when or whom they will marry, have little influence with their husbands and in-laws, have little opportunity to develop awareness of their rights, and are in no position to claim or demand them.

 The Superlative Way to Prevent Child/Forced Marriage: Educate Parents 

Some parents from traditional communities believe that child marriage is a way of protecting their daughters: providing for her economically so she will be taken care of; safeguarding her from harassment and sexual violence before she reaches puberty, and preventing premarital sex which is still taboo in many countries across the world.

Unfortunately, families often do not know the negative and harmful effects of early child marriage, including pregnancy at such a young age which can lead to many complications as a girl’s body will not be ready for childbirth. Such parents will benefit from being educated on the very serious harmful effects of forced early childhood marriage. Inspirational Example: In Zambia, Chief Nzamane of the Mfumbeni tribe works with the parents of girls who are at risk of being sold for lucrative dowries. He understands the financial pressures on families and finds way to help them stay financially secure without needing to force their daughters, in his words, into “lifelong trauma.”

Though the practice of child marriage is rooted in tradition and culture, neither culture nor tradition is immutable and there is hope for change.

parenting-over protective

Overprotective Parenting

 “My son was maltreated and abused verbally by his teachers,” screamed the voice. This was one of the first calls since the new academic year has begun in schools. Our team went to the child’s home and conducted a study the case. We also made an inspection at the school to learn about further details on the matter.

Santhosh (given name) is a X^th Std student all set to meet his new and old friends at school. He had skipped a few days of school since the reopening of the new academic year. But his first day turned out to be disastrous. He was made to stand outside the classroom for missing the initial days of class. He was admonished with harsh words “A terrorist lookalike” and “absolutely good for nothing”. Since then he has turned moody and depressed and refuses to attend the classes stating discomfort.

These were the claims made by the mother. And as in every case we went looking for the other side of the story as well.  And it was just as we expected. The teachers and other staff members had a very different story to tell. The boy Santhosh was not in uniform. Unkempt hair and unruly behaviour was his trademark. This incident wasn’t the first. Everybody was fed up with him. Unfortunately, his mother was always there to protect him citing various ridiculous excuses. And in the present case, she has already registered complaints with almost all Govt. bodies related to the case, citing maltreatment from administration. Yet as always, not a single word on her child. 

A clear case of overprotective nature     

Overprotective parents unintentionally harm their children. By being furtively protective they do not let their children grow into a confident and independent adult. Children learn from their mistakes, and by being overprotective,  parents suppress this learning process.

Signs That You Are Overprotective Parent

A tough parent will often have a soft place for the child to land on, while being overprotective will only shield your son or daughter from challenges. This might end up binding  them to a hard life in future.

1. Solving all your child’s problems

Childhood is an age to commit mistakes. And so, they are bound to end up in troubles.  

2. Constantly contacting your child while they are physically away from you

If you have faith in your children, then this particular trait must be stopped. Make it a point that you contact them only once in a day.

3. Working hard to ensure your child succeeds

Success and failure are two sides of the same coin. We all know that it is impossible to succeed in life without experiencing failure. Mounting pressure upon your child to make him/her excel in academics or extracurricular activities may not give you the perceived result.

4. Offering too much sympathy to your child if something does not work out for them

Make your child learn from his/her failures. Constant support for each and every problem can give him/her a lack in self confidence. And in the future this might result in a ‘Quitter’ attitude.

5. Controlling friendships

To keep a tab on the people your child is spending time with is definitely good. But too much supervision can make them insecure and feel untrustworthy.

6. Constantly talking to the child, spouse, friend, even teachers to find out if your child is fine.

This kind of behaviour makes it evident that you have lost trust with the person or as an act of possessiveness.

7. Enquiring about your children’s lives frequently

No one likes the constant intervention of someone in their lives. And when it comes to children, it applies even stronger. 

8. Not giving house chores

Cleaning dishes, washing clothes and tidying one’s room are not herculean tasks. It is the responsibility of the parent to make sure that their child is given basic lessons in household chores.

9. Discouraging your children from taking any risk

Every successful person in this world has shown the guts to take risks to reap fortune.

10. Failing to educate your child about what the real world is all about

Living into the world of storybooks and cartoons, can actually divert the young minds from the real world unfolding in front of their eyes.  It is up to the parents to make sure how the real world works and what are the do’s and don’ts that exist here.

Effects of Overprotective Parenting

As children grow, they progress from total dependence during their first years of life to a higher degree of independence in their teenage years, when they start feeling the need to create their own identity.  Over protective parenting can cause:

·         Lack of Self-Confidence

·         Illusion of Control

·         Risk-Taking

·         Self-Esteem 

Conclusion – Mould a strong character

Every parent worries about protecting their children especially there is increased reporting of abuse, abduction, and other horrors. It is no surprise that overprotective parent’s effects are having a negative influence on how children grow up and face the real world. The solution is to make sure that your child is mature enough to know the risks and you have guided him or her on what to do and how to avoid risks. A lot will depend on where you live and also your child’s character.

With Railway for child protection

  CHILD PROTECTION POSTERS IN TRAINS      

The mode of travel for run away children and trafficked children is often railway. Railway is also an important place where children also engage in begging or trafficked chidlren are forced to beg.

With the help of the ministry of railway and CHILDLINE India Foundation we arestacking awareness posters in all the train boggies accross Kerala. This will help in spreading the message and create awareness among the general public to contact CHILDLINE's toll free number when they find children travelling wihtout adult accompaniment. 

Child Rights Commission Member Fr. Philip Parackatt released the posters in the presesence of Senior Divisional Mechanical Engineer MR. CC Joy, Fr. Joye James, Child Welfare Committee Chairman, Fr. Thomas PD, Director, Don Bosco Veedu and DCPO Mr. Siju Ben.

anti child labour day

Trivandrum Don Bosco together with the Labour Department observed Anti- Child Labour Day at Govt. HS, Sreekaryam, Vidyasadan ICSE School, Marianad, Vettuthura and Govt. HS, Kamaleswaram. District Labour Officer Shri. KG Valsala Kumar inaugurated the function and ALOs, School Proncipals, teachers and students took part in the observance.  Anti Child Labour Day messages were given by the Labour Officers and CHILDLINE Director, Fr. Thomas Pd. Mr. Manuel George, Mr. Emmanuel Silas lead the awareness classes. Awareness materials and time table cards were  distributed to children with anti child labour day messages.  All children took pledge against child labour and promised to help eradicate child labour. There was also awareness cum announcement conducted at short film festival venue at Kairali Theatre, Trivandrum and Trivandrum Central Bus station.