Sunday, 10 July 2016

parenting-over protective

Overprotective Parenting

 “My son was maltreated and abused verbally by his teachers,” screamed the voice. This was one of the first calls since the new academic year has begun in schools. Our team went to the child’s home and conducted a study the case. We also made an inspection at the school to learn about further details on the matter.

Santhosh (given name) is a Xth Std student all set to meet his new and old friends at school. He had skipped a few days of school since the reopening of the new academic year. But his first day turned out to be disastrous. He was made to stand outside the classroom for missing the initial days of class. He was admonished with harsh words “A terrorist lookalike” and “absolutely good for nothing”. Since then he has turned moody and depressed and refuses to attend the classes stating discomfort.

These were the claims made by the mother. And as in every case we went looking for the other side of the story as well.  And it was just as we expected. The teachers and other staff members had a very different story to tell. The boy Santhosh was not in uniform. Unkempt hair and unruly behaviour was his trademark. This incident wasn’t the first. Everybody was fed up with him. Unfortunately, his mother was always there to protect him citing various ridiculous excuses. And in the present case, she has already registered complaints with almost all Govt. bodies related to the case, citing maltreatment from administration. Yet as always, not a single word on her child. 

A clear case of overprotective nature     
Overprotective parents unintentionally harm their children. By being furtively protective they do not let their children grow into a confident and independent adult. Children learn from their mistakes, and by being overprotective,  parents suppress this learning process.

Signs That You Are Overprotective Parent
A tough parent will often have a soft place for the child to land on, while being overprotective will only shield your son or daughter from challenges. This might end up binding  them to a hard life in future.

  1. Solving all your child’s problems
Childhood is an age to commit mistakes. And so, they are bound to end up in troubles.  
  1. Constantly contacting your child while they are physically away from you
If you have faith in your children, then this particular trait must be stopped. Make it a point that you contact them only once in a day.
  1. Working hard to ensure your child succeeds
Success and failure are two sides of the same coin. We all know that it is impossible to succeed in life without experiencing failure. Mounting pressure upon your child to make him/her excel in academics or extracurricular activities may not give you the perceived result.
  1. Offering too much sympathy to your child if something does not work out for them
Make your child learn from his/her failures. Constant support for each and every problem can give him/her a lack in self confidence. And in the future this might result in a ‘Quitter’ attitude.
  1. Controlling friendships
To keep a tab on the people your child is spending time with is definitely good. But too much supervision can make them insecure and feel untrustworthy.

  1. Constantly talking to the child, spouse, friend, even teachers to find out if your child is fine.
This kind of behaviour makes it evident that you have lost trust with the person or as an act of possessiveness.
  1. Enquiring about your children’s lives frequently
No one likes the constant intervention of someone in their lives. And when it comes to children, it applies even stronger. 
  1. Not giving house chores
Cleaning dishes, washing clothes and tidying one’s room are not herculean tasks. It is the responsibility of the parent to make sure that their child is given basic lessons in household chores.
  1. Discouraging your children from taking any risk
Every successful person in this world has shown the guts to take risks to reap fortune.
  1. Failing to educate your child about what the real world is all about
Living into the world of storybooks and cartoons, can actually divert the young minds from the real world unfolding in front of their eyes.  It is up to the parents to make sure how the real world works and what are the do’s and don’ts that exist here.

Effects of Overprotective Parenting
As children grow, they progress from total dependence during their first years of life to a higher degree of independence in their teenage years, when they start feeling the need to create their own identity.  Over protective parenting can cause:
·         Lack of Self-Confidence
·         Illusion of Control
·         Risk-Taking
·         Self-Esteem 

Conclusion – Mould a strong character
Every parent worries about protecting their children especially there is increased reporting of abuse, abduction, and other horrors. It is no surprise that overprotective parent’s effects are having a negative influence on how children grow up and face the real world. The solution is to make sure that your child is mature enough to know the risks and you have guided him or her on what to do and how to avoid risks. A lot will depend on where you live and also your child’s character.