DV

Domestic Violence – Children Face The Brunt

UNICEF’s report on the ‘Stop Violence At Home‘ Campaign defines Domestic violence or intimate partner violence as a pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviors including physical, sexual and psychological attacks, as well as economic coercion used by adults or adolescents against their current or former intimate partners. Examples of physical abuse include slapping, shaking, beating with fist or object, strangulation, burning, kicking and threats with a knife. Sexual abuse includes coerced sex through threats or intimidation or through physical force, forcing unwanted sexual acts, forcing sex in front of others and forcing sex with others. Psychological abuse involves isolation from others, excessive jealousy, control of his or her activities, verbal aggression, intimidation through destruction of property, harassment or stalking, threats of violence and constant belittling and humiliation.

Don’t Punish The Innocent…

In the first week of February, CHILDLINE Trivandrum received information on a girl named Vandana (Given Name), 16 years being physically abused by her father. The father has been a chronic alcoholic and is allegedly having an affair with another woman for the past five years. There are regular disputes between the father and mother about this affair. During one such argument about the affair, the father began physically assaulting the mother; and the girl intervened to save her to accidently get hit on her right eye. Our team contacted the father and asked him to come down to our office. He denied our request threatened the victims to settle the matter in court. At present the family has been given immediate protection from the abuser and the legal proceedings have been undertaken.    

Violence Can Take A Toll On The Child’s Character

Children who live with and are aware of violence in the home face many challenges and risks that can last throughout their lives. Children who grow up with violence in the home learn early and powerful lessons about the use of violence in interpersonal relationships to dominate others, and might even be encouraged in doing so. Not all children fall into the trap of becoming victims or abusers. Many adults who grew up with violence in the home are actively opposed to violence of all kinds. There is reason to believe that children know that domestic violence is wrong and actively want it to stop. Many children who are present during acts of domestic violence try to help.

Responsibility of stakeholders

It is our responsibility as adults to ensure that the children who are exposed to violence in the home need to know that things can change and that violence in the home can end. Children need hope for the future. Public education and awareness-raising campaigns on domestic violence should focus more on the impact on children and specific ways to address this problem. Governments and other public institutions should speak out about the impact of violence in the home on children. Violence has no place in a child’s life. With a clear vision and concrete action, we can and must give children a brighter and more peaceful future.

PAS

Parental Alienation Syndrome — The Parent/Child Disconnect

Abuse is one of the most sickening issues in our times. Whether it is the abuse of a child, a woman, an elder man or woman, it is heinous. Abuse comes in three main forms: physical, sexual and psychological (also known as emotional abuse). It is the mental and emotional abuse caused by a spouse’s deliberate attempt to destroy the partner in the eyes of the children that will be the focus of this article. Parental Alienation is a growing epidemic in divorce proceedings. It is time to change this and make a difference for children so that they can grow up gracefully.

To quote AJL Baker “Among the many areas of concern for social workers working with divorced or separated couples with children are two related problems: parental alienation, or the efforts on the part of one parent to turn a child against the other parent, and parental alienation syndrome, or a child's unwarranted rejection of one parent.

PAS – A Case Study

CHILDLINE received information about Anand (given name), aged 10 years, a 5th standard student in one of the prominent schools in rural parts of Trivandrum. Anand was staying with his brother Akash (given name), and mother. The father is working abroad. The child and his brother, refused to obey their mother. The mother claimed that the children misbehaved to her because of the direction from their father. As the tantrums of Anand and his sibling became unbearable, the family shifted to the mother’s ancestral home. The father also filed a petition against the mother, stating that the children were not given proper care and protection. It also said that the woman worked at distant places, leaving the children at home, with grandmother.

CHILDLINE staff members visited the house, met the children and their mother, counseled them and gave guidance to parents. It had come to our notice that the mother had to go in search of work, as the father did not provide them with financial help for daily sustenance. During the father’s visit, he has allegedly verbally and physically abused the mother as well. The children (Both the siblings) were produced before CWC on the 3^rd of January 2017. As per CWC order, the children were provided temporary shelter and further counseling & orientation for education at Don Bosco Nivas, Trivandrum.

The children are being provided behavioral therapy and emotional guidance at the center. Anand and Akash have being showing common signs of behavioral problems. The parents have exhibited parenting issues with the children becoming victims of it. As we are yet to meet the father, based on the observations from circumstantial evidences and counseling reports, it is quite evident that the father has influenced the children in a very negative manner. 

PAS - Children caught between parents

Whatever one may think children associated with parental alienation are victims but not of their own making. Parents are responsible for the child becoming a victim and most especially the parent who is carrying out the alienation process. Parental alienation is a form of child abuse since children are being used for the purpose of parents showing their animosity towards the other half of a relationship. The animosity displayed towards the other parent who is being alienated can have a terrible effect on the child in question. Children who are suffering within the alienation process are often unaware of its impact. They merely feel the consequences such as developing views propagated by the alienating parent that the other parent is “evil,” “wicked,” “stupid” or “dangerous” or all of these.

PAS is Domestic Violence in the form of Psychological Maltreatment.

Children therefore are frequently used by the alienating parent against the other parent to act as spies or saboteurs generally being used for unethical purposes in relation to the alienated parent. Additionally they are often encouraged to treat the alienated parent with lack of respect with the purpose of humiliating that parent. The children are even encouraged to behave in a deceitful manner with that parent such as already mentioned, spying on that parent and any relationship they may have developed with another person, stealing from that person or lying to that person. This of course will be denied by the alienating parent.

PAS – The Hard Truth

PAS is a hard truth that needs to be accepted by parents, teachers, caregivers and stakeholders related to children. The emotional drain can adversely affect both parents and children. When a parent uses the children as pawns to get back at their ex spouse for not loving them anymore or to control them further, this is exploitation at the meanest way possible.

If there are things that cannot be sorted out immediately between parents it is better to separate early so that children can have easy access to both parents and there is no more need to speak ill of the other parent and children can grow up mentally healthy.  It is a crime to continue fighting over a period of time because it will surely affect children badly. Often children need and are happy to have access to both parents.

discipline

Disciplining Children

Parents have a fundamental constitutional right to care, custody, and control of their children, including the right to discipline them. Child discipline is the methods used to prevent future behavioral problems in children. The word discipline is defined as imparting knowledge and skill, in other words, to teach. In its most general sense, Wikipedia states that discipline refers to systematic instruction given to a disciple. To discipline means to instruct a person to follow a particular code of conduct.

The ‘Ceiling Fan’ Terror

Recently, CHILDLINE Trivandrum received information about a 10 yrs old boy named Rajesh (given Name). He is a student of LMS UPS, Perumbakonam. The boy lives with his father and stepmother. In the first week of December 2016, the child was physically tortured by his father, as part of punishment for his wrongdoing at home. His hands and feet (also neck) were tied with a rope and suspended on a ceiling fan. CHILDLINE staff informed the local police station (Marayamuttom), who in turn visited the home and rescued the child. The boy’s statement was recorded. A case was also registered and later handed over safely to CHILDLINE Trivandrum. There were contradictions in his statements. The boy, at first said that he was hung from a fan; later said was tied to a window. Our staff member had a counseling session with him and gave emotional guidance and support.

The father has been arrested and currently remanded under judicial custody. In a child protective services action, the court determines if a child is abused, neglected, or dependent rather than determine a parent’s culpability. As per our home study report, the mother is not fit to look after the child. Hence the Child Welfare Committee (CWC) will be in charge of the care and protection of the child.

Children occupy a special place in the law

As part of the child-caring process, parents or caregivers may need to discipline a child. This discipline sometimes involves physical acts such as spanking, confinement, or the restriction of privileges. Though courts are often very reluctant to intervene in family matters or dictate how parents must raise their children, some acts of discipline or types of acts against a child are considered abusive and criminal. When a parent, guardian, or child caregiver - or anyone in a position of power - commits violence, sexual acts, or other damaging acts against a child, the courts punish these acts as child abuse. So it is important to give sufficient care and protection to children  and never punish children in such a way that the child is unable to bear it and also cause emotional and psychological wounds in children.

2017

cyber safety

Cyber Bullying

Cyber bullying is a form of bullying that takes place using electronic technology. Examples of cyber bullying include mean text messages or emails, rumours sent by email or posted on social networking sites, and embarrassing pictures, videos, websites, or fake profiles.

A month ago, CHILDLINE Trivandrum received information about a 14 years old girl named Ganga (Given Name) from Shadow Police squad. The information was about a pornographic clip of the child being spread through the Whatsapp network. The clip featured the girl committing a sexual act with a man (19 year old neighbour). The girl was in school uniform and the face was clearly visible as well; so also the identity of the child. It is evident that the video was recorded and purposefully circulated online by the abuser.   The child suffered from severe trauma after knowing of such a malicious deed. After various counselling sessions and emotional therapy, she was brought back to a healthy state.

Be Aware of What Your Children are Doing Online

Talk with your kids about cyber bullying and other online issues regularly.

1.    Know the sites your children visit and their online activities.

2.    Tell your kids that as a responsible parent you may review their online communications if you think there is reason for concern. Installing parental control filtering software or monitoring programs are one option for monitoring your child’s online behaviour, but do not rely solely on these tools.

3.    Have a sense of what they do online and in texts. Learn about the sites they like. Try out the devices they use.

4.    Ask for their passwords, but tell them you’ll only use them in case of emergency.

5.    Ask to “friend” or “follow” them on social media sites or ask another trusted adult to do so.

6.    Encourage them to tell you immediately if they, or someone they know, is being cyber bullied. Explain that you will not take away their computers or cell phones if they confide in you about a problem they are having.

  

Reporting Cyber Bullying

When cyber bullying involves these activities it is considered a crime and should be reported to law enforcement:

1.    Threats of violence

2.    Child pornography or sending sexually explicit messages or photos

3.    Taking a photo or video of someone in a place where he or she would expect privacy

4.    Stalking and hate crimes

Such a perpetrator can be booked under provisions of Indian Penal Code, besides sections of the Information Technology Act relating to violation of privacy and publishing or transmitting obscene material in electronic form.

Think Twice Before You ‘Share’!!!

When we thoughtlessly ‘share’ certain derogatory posts, we are contributing to the cyber bullying. We need to understand how this evil has the potential to thrash self-esteems, lead to the emergence of a generation of hollow souls; to destroy lives. Let's vow to put an end to this menace. Let's start by ignoring those posts which come from no legitimate source, then we stop reading or sharing anything that defames anyone (irrespective of our love or hatred for the person), and then we take action against those who indulge in cyber bullying. If we see someone being victimized, we talk to the person, offer our support. Publicly even take up issues of the victims for them to realize that there’s someone standing by them.

We may not know how to solve the problem. But what we need to realize is that a very dangerous trend is on the rise and acknowledging the existence of this issue will be the first step towards reaching a solution.

negligence

Medical Negligence – The Downfall of General medicine

Medical profession is one of the most reputed professions in the world as we know and  doctors are considered as gods because they save our lives.

It is sad to say that hospitals in the state, and all over India, have become money generating machines for many doctors, while the patients have become their commodities. There are many doctors who are working in private hospitals while they are actually supposed to be serving in Government hospitals. It is a serious matter that in order to make profit, doctors make patients undergo unnecessary clinical tests at the private centres, even though the government hospitals are equipped with laboratory facilities. In corporate hospitals, each patient may be seen by multiple specialists. An orthopaedic surgeon is called because the hands and feet are aching; a neurologist for numbness in the hands. They come and look at the patient and their charges are added to the bill. Here investigations are not based on what the patient’s illness is, and whether there is a need for specific investigations. Given any complaint, they produce a list of investigations that must be done.  Is it useful for multiple specialists to examine a patient? This question is never even asked. In many private medical colleges, the students only see a few patients, and even fewer from the poorer sections. How will they develop social sensitivity? There is a need to appoint a welfare officer who can advise the patient parties about the cost involved and other clinical testing required for a particular treatment.

A Medical Nightmare 

Recently, a hospital was under scrutiny for committing medical negligence.  The following is our case report on the incident.

CHILDLINE Trivandrum received complaint from a young couple regarding medical negligence. The mother was consulting the gynaecologist in a reputed hospital in the city. The first scan, as instructed by the hospital was taken in the hospital itself. The baby’s condition was reported good. They were very much content with the treatment provided by the experts in the hospital.  The next two scans were completed as per instructions from the hospital and the child’s condition was reported to be good.  In the seventh month the couple decided to take a scan elsewhere before the scheduled scan at the hospital and  the scan revealed absolutely terrifying results, as the baby was found multiple abnormalities and no procedure could correct them. The most flinching of them all was the undeveloped testis and absence of ovaries. This made the sex determination of the child almost impossible.    

The baby was born with many abnormalities such as microcephaly, cleft palate (breast feeding not possible), retrognathia, upper limb anomalies, undescended testis, hairy forehead and so on. The parents left the child at the hospital in the first week of October, 2016 for the treatment of deformities. On the same day evening, we informed SHO of the local station, who in turn contacted the General Manager (Administration) of the hospital. The hospital authorities contacted us requesting immediate intervention to transfer the baby to a higher centre for special care. They stated that unless the baby was shifted to a higher centre for proper care, the life of the baby might become endangered. The next day, CHILDLINE Team visited the hospital and enquired about the matter and their formalities under progress. The case was forwarded to CWC and Child Rights Commission with the written complaint of the mother citing medical negligence. An expert team was sent to examine the situation at the hospital. Now, the commission has ordered the hospital to look after the baby. The mother visits the child daily but has no option to take it home, as they are financially weak and cannot facilitate the treatment.  

What is Medical Negligence?

Public awareness of medical negligence in India is growing. Hospital managements are increasingly facing complaints regarding the facilities, standards of professional competence, and the appropriateness of their therapeutic and diagnostic methods. After the Consumer Protection Act, 1986, has come into force some patients have filed legal cases against doctors, have established that the doctors were negligent in their medical service, and have claimed and received compensation. As a result, a number of legal decisions have been made on what constitutes negligence and what is required to prove it.

Medical malpractice can take many forms. Here are some examples of medical negligence that one might encounter:

·        Failure to diagnose or misdiagnosis

·        Misreading or ignoring laboratory results

·        Unnecessary surgery

·        Surgical errors or wrong site surgery

·        Improper medication or dosage

·        Poor follow-up or aftercare

·        Premature discharge

·        Disregarding or not taking appropriate patient history

·        Failure to order proper testing

·        Failure to recognize symptoms

It is important to know what constitutes medical negligence. A doctor owes certain duties to the patient who consults him for illness. A deficiency in this duty results in negligence. A basic knowledge of how medical negligence is adjudicated in the various judicial courts of India will help a doctor to practice his profession without undue worry about facing litigation for alleged medical negligence.

media influence

The  ‘Freeky Child’

Technology robs children of their innocence in many overt and covert ways. In early societies, children learnt from natural cycles of life. They watched adults manifest food from the ground, observed how usable goods were derived from raw materials, and watched how other provisions were made for basic needs and enjoyment. They listened to stories at mealtime and ceremonial gatherings, which were told by elders who cared about maintaining standards for the survival of their community. Present day children who watch cartoons and other programs on television, and who play video games become enamoured with fast paced, highly stimulating, sexualized, and violent material and this remove them from reality into a world of hallucinations.

To understand the gravity of the issue, let us discuss a case reported to CHILDLINE Trivandrum. Childline team attended a case at Vilappilsala. The SHO called to CHILDLINE and informed that they found a boy (Krishnan) wandering alone near Kollamkonam at 1 AM in the night. The boy said that he was orphaned by the Puttingal fireworks accident and that his father’s friend put him up in a bakery at Trivandrum to earn money. Upon bringing him to our centre and counseling the boy, we found incongruity in his statements. The police had contacted local police at Puttingal in order to trace his relatives and informed media to get support to rehabilitate him and report his statements. One of the inmates of our home identified him and his name and address and school were different. Later he confessed the details about his family and he left home because his mother had found a cell phone in his bag which he had borrowed from a friend.  He was afraid that his mother would get angry with him. They came to CHILDLINE office and we restored him to home after providing emotional support and guidance. 

If parents and caregivers reinforce the notion, children may come to understand on an intellectual level that certain forms of entertainment are not reality but mere fantasy. However, on a much more influential emotional level, children do not comprehend this difference. They become physically and chemically addicted to excitement and the hormones cursing through their brains and bodies; they develop no realistic grasp on the threat of danger.

Repeatedly exposed to unnatural levels of stimulation created by entertainment programmes children lose or never develop their own natural motivation and ability to create, explore their personal and unique Inner Worlds, listen to the still soft voice within, and surrender to a larger world of spiritual mystery. Life for them becomes a quest for external stimulation, instant gratification, entertainment, and sensual fulfilment, and the more the better. Since few can creatively compete with highly paid teams of geniuses that thrive on corporate greed, children may unconsciously believe they are not talented, can never compete, and are not good enough. Cartoons, movies, sports, and news programs expose young minds to so much violence, out-of-context sex, and a general lack of compassion. Winning for thrills, conquering, and annihilating become the coveted goal and grand prize. Hypnotized by mass media, children learn to conquer the next guy, to win at the expense of all else, to conform to a projected image, to consume, to manipulate, or retreat into their own shells. Through technology, children are given an acceptable way to avoid contact with others, further denying needed interactions that would teach everyone involved how to handle their emotions and energy, refine their communication skills, and generally manage their energy. Children are now being seen and told they are good and well behaved for appearing docile and compliant. Thus their social and coping skills are diminished.

The second case involves a school girl of class 7. Her case was brought to us by the police. Sweta (Given name) allegedly survived a kidnapping attempt on her way to tuitions. Her statements were found self contradictory. This prompted the police to transfer the case to CHILDLINE. While undergoing counselling session with CHILDLINE, the girl repeated her statement to the police. While walking towards her Hindi tuition class, Sweta found two vehicles a white jeep and ambassador stopping by her side. They whistled to grab her attention. As she turned around, one of the men inside the car sprayed something onto her face. She felt dizzy and almost going unconscious. While trying to drag her into the car, she heard a scream. A girl was shouting for help, in Tamil, inside the car. She was held captive by an elderly lady.  As the person holding Sweta, lost focus, she pushed him aside and ran towards the tuition teacher’s house. Seeing the desperate girl, the teacher raised alarm. Soon, people of the locality started searching for those mentioned by the girl. But none of them could find any such vehicles that matched the description. We found discrepancies in her statement at various instances. Upon cross checking the facts with her again and again, the girl broke down. She had cooked up the whole story, just to avoid punishment from her tuition teacher, for not completing the homework.       

This loss of innocence, imagination, and skills leads to a fragmentary understanding of love between man and woman. Since people are attracted to others of parallel consciousness and frequency, high tech children are drawn to similar fragmented beings that have never developed an understanding of who they are. Two half beings do not unite to make a whole being. They just know they need something they do not have and want to get it by any shortcut method at their disposal. Their ―love is in reality only an addiction, a need for gratification from an external source.

The third might probably be the most shocking of the lot. In the second week of October, CHILDLINE received information about class teacher regarding a girl named Shamna (given name) 13 years old studying in 8^th standard at a govt. HSS. The Headmaster and PTA president found suspicious evidence linking the girl to an unknown sex racket. Her side of the story has almost 15 to 20 versions. The girl made her mother believe that she receives messages from her class teacher. The messages ask the mother to take her child to various places as part of a quiz competition. During these visits she allegedly exchanged a few gold ornaments. These were in fact stolen by Shamna’s tuition teacher, who forced her to do so by black mailing. Another claim by the girl is that a relative of Shamna has naked photos of her used for blackmail. Shamna also alleges that she had discontinued classes from 16^th of August owing to a freak accident that bruised her nose. The school authorities tried to contact her mother. But the girl answered the call posing to be her mother. So they removed her name from the school roll/attendance register. School authorities informed CHILDLINE to follow up the case, but they not even once made a home visit to identify the issue. Till now, there has been no evidence to substantiate her claims.

Without self-awareness, discipline, and skills, parent and child will not be able to live harmoniously together and be fully alive. Witness how so many families begin with their children, happy and content, similar to an enjoyable movie. But when years pass by, they end up taking so much time away from the other or taking things for granted. They are not acting out of love and compassion anymore, but out of personal egoistic gratification. Unconditional love must be the foundation and the building blocks of daily living within any relationship or it will disintegrate. This requires presence of the parents with children and time for interaction without the barrier of TV, cell phone, video games, internet etc.