PAS

Parental Alienation Syndrome — The Parent/Child Disconnect

Abuse is one of the most sickening issues in our times. Whether it is the abuse of a child, a woman, an elder man or woman, it is heinous. Abuse comes in three main forms: physical, sexual and psychological (also known as emotional abuse). It is the mental and emotional abuse caused by a spouse’s deliberate attempt to destroy the partner in the eyes of the children that will be the focus of this article. Parental Alienation is a growing epidemic in divorce proceedings. It is time to change this and make a difference for children so that they can grow up gracefully.

To quote AJL Baker “Among the many areas of concern for social workers working with divorced or separated couples with children are two related problems: parental alienation, or the efforts on the part of one parent to turn a child against the other parent, and parental alienation syndrome, or a child's unwarranted rejection of one parent.

PAS – A Case Study

CHILDLINE received information about Anand (given name), aged 10 years, a 5th standard student in one of the prominent schools in rural parts of Trivandrum. Anand was staying with his brother Akash (given name), and mother. The father is working abroad. The child and his brother, refused to obey their mother. The mother claimed that the children misbehaved to her because of the direction from their father. As the tantrums of Anand and his sibling became unbearable, the family shifted to the mother’s ancestral home. The father also filed a petition against the mother, stating that the children were not given proper care and protection. It also said that the woman worked at distant places, leaving the children at home, with grandmother.

CHILDLINE staff members visited the house, met the children and their mother, counseled them and gave guidance to parents. It had come to our notice that the mother had to go in search of work, as the father did not provide them with financial help for daily sustenance. During the father’s visit, he has allegedly verbally and physically abused the mother as well. The children (Both the siblings) were produced before CWC on the 3^rd of January 2017. As per CWC order, the children were provided temporary shelter and further counseling & orientation for education at Don Bosco Nivas, Trivandrum.

The children are being provided behavioral therapy and emotional guidance at the center. Anand and Akash have being showing common signs of behavioral problems. The parents have exhibited parenting issues with the children becoming victims of it. As we are yet to meet the father, based on the observations from circumstantial evidences and counseling reports, it is quite evident that the father has influenced the children in a very negative manner. 

PAS - Children caught between parents

Whatever one may think children associated with parental alienation are victims but not of their own making. Parents are responsible for the child becoming a victim and most especially the parent who is carrying out the alienation process. Parental alienation is a form of child abuse since children are being used for the purpose of parents showing their animosity towards the other half of a relationship. The animosity displayed towards the other parent who is being alienated can have a terrible effect on the child in question. Children who are suffering within the alienation process are often unaware of its impact. They merely feel the consequences such as developing views propagated by the alienating parent that the other parent is “evil,” “wicked,” “stupid” or “dangerous” or all of these.

PAS is Domestic Violence in the form of Psychological Maltreatment.

Children therefore are frequently used by the alienating parent against the other parent to act as spies or saboteurs generally being used for unethical purposes in relation to the alienated parent. Additionally they are often encouraged to treat the alienated parent with lack of respect with the purpose of humiliating that parent. The children are even encouraged to behave in a deceitful manner with that parent such as already mentioned, spying on that parent and any relationship they may have developed with another person, stealing from that person or lying to that person. This of course will be denied by the alienating parent.

PAS – The Hard Truth

PAS is a hard truth that needs to be accepted by parents, teachers, caregivers and stakeholders related to children. The emotional drain can adversely affect both parents and children. When a parent uses the children as pawns to get back at their ex spouse for not loving them anymore or to control them further, this is exploitation at the meanest way possible.

If there are things that cannot be sorted out immediately between parents it is better to separate early so that children can have easy access to both parents and there is no more need to speak ill of the other parent and children can grow up mentally healthy.  It is a crime to continue fighting over a period of time because it will surely affect children badly. Often children need and are happy to have access to both parents.

discipline

Disciplining Children

Parents have a fundamental constitutional right to care, custody, and control of their children, including the right to discipline them. Child discipline is the methods used to prevent future behavioral problems in children. The word discipline is defined as imparting knowledge and skill, in other words, to teach. In its most general sense, Wikipedia states that discipline refers to systematic instruction given to a disciple. To discipline means to instruct a person to follow a particular code of conduct.

The ‘Ceiling Fan’ Terror

Recently, CHILDLINE Trivandrum received information about a 10 yrs old boy named Rajesh (given Name). He is a student of LMS UPS, Perumbakonam. The boy lives with his father and stepmother. In the first week of December 2016, the child was physically tortured by his father, as part of punishment for his wrongdoing at home. His hands and feet (also neck) were tied with a rope and suspended on a ceiling fan. CHILDLINE staff informed the local police station (Marayamuttom), who in turn visited the home and rescued the child. The boy’s statement was recorded. A case was also registered and later handed over safely to CHILDLINE Trivandrum. There were contradictions in his statements. The boy, at first said that he was hung from a fan; later said was tied to a window. Our staff member had a counseling session with him and gave emotional guidance and support.

The father has been arrested and currently remanded under judicial custody. In a child protective services action, the court determines if a child is abused, neglected, or dependent rather than determine a parent’s culpability. As per our home study report, the mother is not fit to look after the child. Hence the Child Welfare Committee (CWC) will be in charge of the care and protection of the child.

Children occupy a special place in the law

As part of the child-caring process, parents or caregivers may need to discipline a child. This discipline sometimes involves physical acts such as spanking, confinement, or the restriction of privileges. Though courts are often very reluctant to intervene in family matters or dictate how parents must raise their children, some acts of discipline or types of acts against a child are considered abusive and criminal. When a parent, guardian, or child caregiver - or anyone in a position of power - commits violence, sexual acts, or other damaging acts against a child, the courts punish these acts as child abuse. So it is important to give sufficient care and protection to children  and never punish children in such a way that the child is unable to bear it and also cause emotional and psychological wounds in children.

2017

cyber safety

Cyber Bullying

Cyber bullying is a form of bullying that takes place using electronic technology. Examples of cyber bullying include mean text messages or emails, rumours sent by email or posted on social networking sites, and embarrassing pictures, videos, websites, or fake profiles.

A month ago, CHILDLINE Trivandrum received information about a 14 years old girl named Ganga (Given Name) from Shadow Police squad. The information was about a pornographic clip of the child being spread through the Whatsapp network. The clip featured the girl committing a sexual act with a man (19 year old neighbour). The girl was in school uniform and the face was clearly visible as well; so also the identity of the child. It is evident that the video was recorded and purposefully circulated online by the abuser.   The child suffered from severe trauma after knowing of such a malicious deed. After various counselling sessions and emotional therapy, she was brought back to a healthy state.

Be Aware of What Your Children are Doing Online

Talk with your kids about cyber bullying and other online issues regularly.

1.    Know the sites your children visit and their online activities.

2.    Tell your kids that as a responsible parent you may review their online communications if you think there is reason for concern. Installing parental control filtering software or monitoring programs are one option for monitoring your child’s online behaviour, but do not rely solely on these tools.

3.    Have a sense of what they do online and in texts. Learn about the sites they like. Try out the devices they use.

4.    Ask for their passwords, but tell them you’ll only use them in case of emergency.

5.    Ask to “friend” or “follow” them on social media sites or ask another trusted adult to do so.

6.    Encourage them to tell you immediately if they, or someone they know, is being cyber bullied. Explain that you will not take away their computers or cell phones if they confide in you about a problem they are having.

  

Reporting Cyber Bullying

When cyber bullying involves these activities it is considered a crime and should be reported to law enforcement:

1.    Threats of violence

2.    Child pornography or sending sexually explicit messages or photos

3.    Taking a photo or video of someone in a place where he or she would expect privacy

4.    Stalking and hate crimes

Such a perpetrator can be booked under provisions of Indian Penal Code, besides sections of the Information Technology Act relating to violation of privacy and publishing or transmitting obscene material in electronic form.

Think Twice Before You ‘Share’!!!

When we thoughtlessly ‘share’ certain derogatory posts, we are contributing to the cyber bullying. We need to understand how this evil has the potential to thrash self-esteems, lead to the emergence of a generation of hollow souls; to destroy lives. Let's vow to put an end to this menace. Let's start by ignoring those posts which come from no legitimate source, then we stop reading or sharing anything that defames anyone (irrespective of our love or hatred for the person), and then we take action against those who indulge in cyber bullying. If we see someone being victimized, we talk to the person, offer our support. Publicly even take up issues of the victims for them to realize that there’s someone standing by them.

We may not know how to solve the problem. But what we need to realize is that a very dangerous trend is on the rise and acknowledging the existence of this issue will be the first step towards reaching a solution.